1 month!

Happy ONE MONTH birthday to our baby girl! I cannot even put into words what the last month has been like. In fact, I thought about not even doing a post because it is so hard to articulate how I am feeling. Such a mixture of emotions over the last month. Each day over the last month I have fallen more in love with Eliana. Each day of the last month has been hard. Really hard. Some more difficult than others, but it is safe to say that being a mother is hard work. I have had some very low moments where I don't feel cut out to be her mom. I have also had some high moments where I feel that I am meant to be her mom. Each feeling brings such a rush of emotion and it's sometimes hard to handle... but I deal because I know I have to for my sweet daughter.

We have come a long way in the last month and we are starting to understand each other better. Each day one little thing clicks for me and I have a small "ah-ha" moment, and I think it's the same for her.

I feel SO blessed to have Eliana in my life and to be going through these amazing, challenging, special times with such a sweet little one. I can't wait to see what the months ahead bring!

(I hope this post does not seem too dark... I just think it's important to write about these feelings not only for my healing but also to validate what I know other new moms are also feeling.)

Great grandma Beulah

Eliana met her GREAT grandma over the weekend and it was very special for both of them!

A very special visitor

Eliana's Uncle JJ came to the bay area for work and stopped by for a visit! JJ and Piper are expecting baby #2 next month so JJ spent some time refining his daddy skills. Eliana was having a particularly fussy evening (we think she has her first cold - sad) so he had lots of practice to prepare for those not so pleasant newborn moments.





Do we have an Abo on our hands, or what?!

So smart!

Eliana loves her reading time with mommy!

Daddy time

Love these two.

Bath time

Eliana LOVES bath time! We drape her in wash clothes and it's like an evening at the spa.

Eliana's Birth Story

(I'm writing this post with minimal sleep, so please excuse anything that may be out of order or just not make any sense at all! I also have some WWW approved pictures from her birth that I'll post soon!)

The night of Tuesday April 26 I was having what I kept calling "braxton hicks" from about dinner time through the evening. Around 9pm I got in the birthing tub to relax and take some pressure off of braxton hicks. When I got out of the tub I asked Geoff to drain it so we could put fresh water in the following day. I headed to bed that night and had a restless night because I was waking up for every contraction - I continued to think they were braxton hicks :-) I remember them getting to the point where I would hold on to my dresser during the contraction because it was so intense. Again... not really believing it was labor and that I was having REAL contractions, I let Geoff sleep and tried to stay as relaxed as possible. A few times that night/early morning I got up to reheat my heating bad, walk around a bit and lie on the couch - all things that made me feel better and stay relaxed. Around 4:45am I was laying on the couch and I decided to write down the contractions to see how far apart they were. 3 minutes. Hmmmmm.... All I could think was "these sure are strong braxton hicks". Around 5:15 I woke Geoff up to ask him to refill the tub. He shot out of bed and said "IS IT TIME?" I tried my hardest to convince him that I was just having braxton hicks and that he should fill the tub and go to work. He started timing them and realized quickly that it was go time. I promised him it wasn't. I knew something was happening but I was in total control of each contraction and they weren't painful, so I figured it was my body progressing but not at all close to labor time. From about 5:30 on Geoff tried to convince me to call my Midwife. Worried about waking her up I waited until 6am.
After a long phone conversation with my Midwife about my sensations, her listening to several contraction (THIS is when I realized they were actually contractions) and coaching me through different breaths we hung up with the plan to call her back if anything changes or if I have questions OR within an hour to update her. She joked "I think Geoff should call his sub!" He just gave me the "told you so" look. :-)
Meanwhile, Geoff filled the tub and once I was off the phone with my Midwife I got in. I was only in there for about 20 minutes and I quickly realized it was NOT the place for me to labor. I felt like I just didn't have enough traction and with nothing to hold on to the contractions seemed more intense. While in the tub I told Geoff that I was hungry and that I wanted a rice cake with peanut butter and banana (WEIRD request). I took one bite and almost puked.
After I got out of the tub I wrapped in my robe and got directly into bed. I continued to have contractions at about 3 to 5 minutes apart lasting about 30 to 45 seconds. At about 7:30 we called my Midwife because I was starting to have more sensation in my lower back and I could tell things were really progressing. Again, we talked through the sensations and breathed together through each contraction. She was calming and reassuring. It was just what I needed. We made the same plan - call if anything changes or within the hour to update. I continued to do my thing...

Around 8:15 my "pre-waters" broke - it wasn't much (infact, I wondered if it was pee...?) but I knew it was time to call my Midwife again. After a few minutes on the phone she asked what I wanted our next plan to be and I told her "I think you should come over." She agreed, knowing we were heading into Active Labor.
I continued to labor on my bed. At this point I calmly told Geoff that I wanted to be alone. I really wanted to sleep in between each contraction and I knew I needed space. He came to the living room (he mentioned that it was weird to be checking Facebook and Giants website while his wife was laboring in the other room!) and let me do my thing - working through each contraction and resting/sleeping in between them.
I called Geoff back into the room around 9:15 because things were getting REALLY intense. I was holding (actually, death gripping) his hand through each contraction and about 5 minutes before my Midwife came in I yelled during a contraction "I HOPE SHE'S CLOSE." She came in at 9:45 and I couldn't stop telling her how happy I was to see her. :-) About 30 minutes after she got there she checked me to find that I was 10 centimeters dilated!

It was GO TIME!

From that point on it was intense, amazing, powerful and an out of this world experience. Between 10:20 and when she was born at 11:29 I "worked up an appetite" as I said right before she was born :-)
(I called my sister at 8:15 and told her to head over - she got there at 11am and almost missed it! As soon as I saw her I said "good job Sis, just in time!")

Miss Eliana Sophiea Beckstrom was born at 11:29am on April 27, 2011, weighing exactly 9 pounds. With her cord wrapped around her neck three times and her shoulders stuck in the posterior position, my Midwife had her work cut out for her, but Eliana was PERFECT. She didn't cry a bit - had her first breath on my chest while looking up at me and her daddy. In her home.

Family

Eliana has been blessed with family visitors over the last week. She's so lucky!

Eliana's first week

Today is Eliana's one week birth day! She's celebrating by sleeping a lot (you know, making up for NOT sleeping last night) AND with her first outing to Whole Foods! What a big day for our girl!

We are madly in love with her. Take a look... I think you'll see why.

Welcome, baby girl!

Eliana Sophiea Beckstrom

9lbs, almost 23 inches long

Born at home on April 27 at 11:29am


We are in love with our baby girl. Everyone is feeling good and we're just so happy to have her in our arms.

Pictures and updates to come...